Not sure where this road is taking me....
because I feel like its going absolutely nowhere....
Just a long dirt road...
up a steep winding hill.
I can't see the top....
and I'm tired of walking.
My faith tells me something awaits at the top.
But...
I don't ever see myself getting there.
Confused as to whether I should go back where I started...
and begin again...
I stop moving forward to take a look behind.
But there's nothing there.
All I see is a long dirt road.
I can't even see the starting point anymore.
So....
I tell myself...
you've come this far...
just keep on a-trucking...
but I'm fatigued and dehydrated.
The sun is beaming down on me...
and I feel like I can't go on.
Mentally... I'm ready.
Physically... I'm not.
so what do I do when my physical and mental conflict?
Mind over matter!...
A voice tells me...
"You can do anything that you WANT to do...
you just have to want it and fight for it.
Anything worth having takes a struggle to get it."
So... I'm saying...
At the end of this road...
there has to be something amazingly awesome.
because this right here....
is not even a struggle...
its a plethora of struggles combined to make a MONSTER STRUGGLE.

But as I stop and look at my feet...
The ground that I'm standing on is turning into quicksand.
Another obstacle thrown in my life...
I take it as God's way of telling me....
to keep it moving.
So.... that's what I'll do.
because I know....

1Co 10:13 There hath no temptation taken you but such as is common to man: but God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able, but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear it.

Over IT!

*please pardon my frustration*

Anger and rage are incessantly in efflux within me...
controlling my thoughts for moments...
...Instances that seem like forever.
Why do I become so angry???
It's because I'm surrounded by ASSHOLES!!!
Assholes always seem to find their way into my life...
and, for them,
I have no filter.
So they mosey on in
and make themselves right at home.
Answer my benevolence with your cantankerous demeanor?
Yeah, you're truly an asshole.
and because of one too many assholes in my life RIGHT NOW...
I don't think I can endure you
or your kind any longer!

-Nigia M. Mew
aka
A LuvliiYPosh Orig.

Untitled. and Unfinished.

Non-confrontational...
So I'll avoid problems, with you, at all cost.
Never saying how I truly feel...
So all those bottled-up emotions get lost.
Trapped and aimlessly wandering the sea.
But believe it or not,
this wasn't always me.

So, Where did I go astray?
Where exactly did I go wrong?
I suppose it was with the first verse of that damned love song.

I wanted to be her...
the mystery person you write about.
The one who inspires you to love...
But I'm not... can't be.
Cause it appears as if I'm in a Love Drought.
Searching for love is like staring at the sun.
Not such a good idea...
and not really a lot of fun...
But I still thought,
although not upon first glance,
that you could potentially be the "one".

How foolish of me,
to get so caught up in the idea of love.
Thinking it was right,
but love is gentle so it would never push or shove,
it would never lead me into temptation,
or guide me down the wrong path.
It would catch my tears,
and crush my fears.
So it doesn't add up at all...
Believe me, I've done all the math.

I started to change my ways,
so you'd better accept me,
but I really don't think you see...
that within my personality lies pure beauty.
Beauty that you could find,
if only you tried to look.
Never judge a novel by it's cover...
sometimes you must actually read the whole book.
To obtain the insight,
and knowledge that it holds.
So instead of turning your back...
Why not try to get further acquainted with MY story?
If you're really that bold...
stop being so cold...
and just embrace everything that you've just been told.

-Nigia M. Mew
aka
A LuvliiYPosh Orig.

At a Stand-Still...

A living contradiction...
with repetitive contradictory thoughts.
That's what I am...
I want, but don't need you.
I know if it is meant to be...
then it will be, but as time flies...
I begin to lose all hope.
It shouldn't be this difficult.
I don't want to be the cause of any stress for you.
But, in that same breath,
I can't seem to make you happy.
So, I'm at a stand-still.
Can't move forward.
Don't want to move back...
I've come too far to regress.

Running this race,
I've seen the finish line,
but I suppose that was merely a mirage.
You deserve to be content,
and even though I want to be what makes you happy,
I can't be....
...because I don't.
I bring forth confusion.
unintentional confusion,
but confusion, nonetheless.

I've altered my future by meeting you,
but I can't alter the past,
nor would I want to...

Hopeless Romantics Anonymous...
That's what I need.
because life isn't like Romeo and Juliet or Cinderella.
There aren't always happy endings.
But, when I look at you...
I can still feel the spark.... there's so much potential.
A surge of energy flows through my body...
and that's how I know it's true.
But, I still don't know what to do...
what to say?...
My mind goes blank.
I'm at a stand-still.

-Nigia M. Mew
aka
A LuvliiYPosh Orig.

Speak...

Please...
My heart is asking for you to speak to me.
It doesn't understand...
My mind tries to silence it,
because it knows it never will.
It's not capable of grasping complex thoughts.
Its only capable of loving you.
But, my heart doesn't listen.
Its way too stubborn.
It wants you to explain how you feel.
Because some feelings can't even be fathomed by the mind.
So it doesn't completely trust her.
The mind doesn't understand love
because its not designed TO love.
The mind is analytical....
and love NEVER makes sense.
So, the battle continues...
but neither the heart nor mind win...
because you won't speak to me.

-Nigia M. Mew
aka
A LuvliiYPosh Orig.