You are for me

You've been my everything
For all of my life...
I feel like...
From my first breath...
You've been my pulse...
In times of despair,
You've constantly been there...

You're what keeps me alive,
When mentally impaired,
You're my savior
You keep me still in moving times,
You make me move in a stand-still world.
You cause the sway in my hips
And the surge of existence through my body...
I feel you in my dreams...
I see you in my sleep...
And while I'm awake...
I constantly hear you speak...

You never leave me alone
And I never grow bored of you....
In fact I find joy in discovering your presence.
When I had thought of you as absent.
That's when traces of your beauty show the brightest...
Illuminating my senses
And overpowering my ears
Perplexed by my emotions
You come and whisper to my heart
Cooing sweet melodies through my veins
Calming me down again.
My life long companion
And my most valuable friend...

I love you, music.
Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile

Ode to PlnC

He knows not of his power...
He knows not of his strength...
In him I see so much potential...
In him, I've found a friend.

His beauty is amazing,
Handsome doesn't begin to explain...
His intellect is perplexing..
His knowledge wild and untamed...

His charm is undeniable,
And most of it lies in his smile..
His voice, so soothing and inviting
Convinces you to stay a while.

Melodious strides of confidence..
Can be found within his eyes...
Yet in there u also find a shy young man
Which I found with a surprise...

humble, kind, gentle,
And down to earth
Are also the characteristics that double his worth...

So why he downplays himself...
I'll never know...
He possesses a seed...
I want him to nurture it and let it grow...

But...

He knows not of his power...
He knows not of his strength...
In him I see so much potential...
In him,
I've found my best friend.

Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile

...Readers' Discretion...

You're laying there still...
we're still feeling the buzz...
ready to just collapse into sleep...
after the nights affairs cause...

Lol... it was a LOOONNNG night to say the least.
drinking, dancing, partying... the works.
but my lust for you wouldn't permit me to sleep.
Your eyes are closed...
you're almost there...
I can't let you just fall into this slumber...

So I straddle you and whisper in your ear...
You open your eyes and look up at me...
as if you were debating whether you still wanted to sleep.
so I work my hands from your shoulders...
down to ur chest...
with a devilish smile to prepare you for the rest.

(We're really fucked up...
drunk as all hell....)

but I know my way through this all too well.
Not stubbling or clumsily...
I glide my tongue down ur neck...
following the traces of my hands....
I pace myself... to keep u in check.
still working my way down...
you're already erect...
but only semi-awake...
and I know how you work...
so I prepare myself to take...
... you on a cosmic journey...

slow at first with just the right amount of tongue.
cause I don't want to rush this... I want you real bad...
Some say you've got me sprung.
after a while you're awake and into it...
but I want you to get into me...
so I climb on top and prepare you for a show...
as if we have an audience watching....

working through my excitement...
and my VERY drunken bliss....
I start to slow down...
and I give your neck a soft kiss...
grabbing for your chest....
I start to increase the pace...
but you feeling just slightly upstaged...
wanted to change your place...
flipping me over...
I lay on my back...
feeling slightly flustered and dazed..
as I feel your tongue start to attack....
A surge through my body...
that almost forced out a shout...
then you come up...
with me, like chicken grease...
all over your mouth....

You thrust inside....
just to foil my pride...
I was doing so well....
I damned you to hell...
I was supposed to be the main focus...
supposed to show you exactly what I work with...
but once again...
you've come to triumph over my plans
...Bringing me to ecstacy..

....repeatedly...

then you laid back down....

...feeling defeated...
I go back to work...
as I forced you all the way down...
to the back of my throat....
you moan a little...
but then it subsides...
I glance up to take a look at your eyes...
I'll be damned...
passed smoooth out... with a look on ur face that read...
"Yeah... I'm the man"

-A LuvliiYPosh Orig.

In the midst of a tantrum...

In the midst of a tantrum...
I wondered why I even try.
In the midst of a tantrum...
I wonder why I even keep you around.
In the midst of a tantrum...
I thought I hated you...
In the midst of a tantrum...
I didn't even know who you were.
In the midst of a tantrum...
You brought me to tears...
Because in the midst of that tantrum...
I realized why I try...
I realized why I keep you around...
I realized that I could never hate you...
I realized that I know exactly who you are
and why you do the things you do...
And I realized that I had brought MYSELF to tears...

I love you more than I'm willing to admit.
But in that same breath...
I can't stand the way things are.
I feel sorry for myself...
Cause I don't know how to let go...
Worse than that is...
I don't even think I want to.

What a foolish girl she is...
to think that she could fix him up...
because she just ended up fuckin' herself over...
got caught up in love all by herself...
and then she ended up alone anyway.
She never let anyone in before because she knew this was a possibility.

In the midst of a tantrum...
I realize that THAT foolish girl is dumb as hell...
she knows the right things to do...
but she listens to her dumbass heart instead...
After that tantrum...
The storm cleared and she realized how TRULY foolish she had been.


and she lived happily ever after???

Not sure where this road is taking me....
because I feel like its going absolutely nowhere....
Just a long dirt road...
up a steep winding hill.
I can't see the top....
and I'm tired of walking.
My faith tells me something awaits at the top.
But...
I don't ever see myself getting there.
Confused as to whether I should go back where I started...
and begin again...
I stop moving forward to take a look behind.
But there's nothing there.
All I see is a long dirt road.
I can't even see the starting point anymore.
So....
I tell myself...
you've come this far...
just keep on a-trucking...
but I'm fatigued and dehydrated.
The sun is beaming down on me...
and I feel like I can't go on.
Mentally... I'm ready.
Physically... I'm not.
so what do I do when my physical and mental conflict?
Mind over matter!...
A voice tells me...
"You can do anything that you WANT to do...
you just have to want it and fight for it.
Anything worth having takes a struggle to get it."
So... I'm saying...
At the end of this road...
there has to be something amazingly awesome.
because this right here....
is not even a struggle...
its a plethora of struggles combined to make a MONSTER STRUGGLE.

But as I stop and look at my feet...
The ground that I'm standing on is turning into quicksand.
Another obstacle thrown in my life...
I take it as God's way of telling me....
to keep it moving.
So.... that's what I'll do.
because I know....

1Co 10:13 There hath no temptation taken you but such as is common to man: but God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able, but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear it.

Over IT!

*please pardon my frustration*

Anger and rage are incessantly in efflux within me...
controlling my thoughts for moments...
...Instances that seem like forever.
Why do I become so angry???
It's because I'm surrounded by ASSHOLES!!!
Assholes always seem to find their way into my life...
and, for them,
I have no filter.
So they mosey on in
and make themselves right at home.
Answer my benevolence with your cantankerous demeanor?
Yeah, you're truly an asshole.
and because of one too many assholes in my life RIGHT NOW...
I don't think I can endure you
or your kind any longer!

-Nigia M. Mew
aka
A LuvliiYPosh Orig.

Untitled. and Unfinished.

Non-confrontational...
So I'll avoid problems, with you, at all cost.
Never saying how I truly feel...
So all those bottled-up emotions get lost.
Trapped and aimlessly wandering the sea.
But believe it or not,
this wasn't always me.

So, Where did I go astray?
Where exactly did I go wrong?
I suppose it was with the first verse of that damned love song.

I wanted to be her...
the mystery person you write about.
The one who inspires you to love...
But I'm not... can't be.
Cause it appears as if I'm in a Love Drought.
Searching for love is like staring at the sun.
Not such a good idea...
and not really a lot of fun...
But I still thought,
although not upon first glance,
that you could potentially be the "one".

How foolish of me,
to get so caught up in the idea of love.
Thinking it was right,
but love is gentle so it would never push or shove,
it would never lead me into temptation,
or guide me down the wrong path.
It would catch my tears,
and crush my fears.
So it doesn't add up at all...
Believe me, I've done all the math.

I started to change my ways,
so you'd better accept me,
but I really don't think you see...
that within my personality lies pure beauty.
Beauty that you could find,
if only you tried to look.
Never judge a novel by it's cover...
sometimes you must actually read the whole book.
To obtain the insight,
and knowledge that it holds.
So instead of turning your back...
Why not try to get further acquainted with MY story?
If you're really that bold...
stop being so cold...
and just embrace everything that you've just been told.

-Nigia M. Mew
aka
A LuvliiYPosh Orig.

At a Stand-Still...

A living contradiction...
with repetitive contradictory thoughts.
That's what I am...
I want, but don't need you.
I know if it is meant to be...
then it will be, but as time flies...
I begin to lose all hope.
It shouldn't be this difficult.
I don't want to be the cause of any stress for you.
But, in that same breath,
I can't seem to make you happy.
So, I'm at a stand-still.
Can't move forward.
Don't want to move back...
I've come too far to regress.

Running this race,
I've seen the finish line,
but I suppose that was merely a mirage.
You deserve to be content,
and even though I want to be what makes you happy,
I can't be....
...because I don't.
I bring forth confusion.
unintentional confusion,
but confusion, nonetheless.

I've altered my future by meeting you,
but I can't alter the past,
nor would I want to...

Hopeless Romantics Anonymous...
That's what I need.
because life isn't like Romeo and Juliet or Cinderella.
There aren't always happy endings.
But, when I look at you...
I can still feel the spark.... there's so much potential.
A surge of energy flows through my body...
and that's how I know it's true.
But, I still don't know what to do...
what to say?...
My mind goes blank.
I'm at a stand-still.

-Nigia M. Mew
aka
A LuvliiYPosh Orig.

Speak...

Please...
My heart is asking for you to speak to me.
It doesn't understand...
My mind tries to silence it,
because it knows it never will.
It's not capable of grasping complex thoughts.
Its only capable of loving you.
But, my heart doesn't listen.
Its way too stubborn.
It wants you to explain how you feel.
Because some feelings can't even be fathomed by the mind.
So it doesn't completely trust her.
The mind doesn't understand love
because its not designed TO love.
The mind is analytical....
and love NEVER makes sense.
So, the battle continues...
but neither the heart nor mind win...
because you won't speak to me.

-Nigia M. Mew
aka
A LuvliiYPosh Orig.

What's new-jew? *no offense... it just rhymes*

Well... the last time I really wrote on here about something that was truly near and dear to my heart and about me, personally, was a while ago... so here's a little insight into what's new in my life. For starters, I'm enrolled at Delaware State... once again... trying to use ROTC to pay for my college tuition because these thousands of dollars don't need to be on my credit report. Thus far... it's still looking kind of "iffy" but I have my first 6am PT(physical training) tomorrow morning... (ugh!). Welp... this post got cut short so.... today is now "tomorrow"... and PT wasn't really even that bad. We just did a lot of cardio exercises and things of that sort. It wasn't as intense as I thought it would be but it wasn't easy either. Anywho... President Obama's inauguration was yesterday and although I wanted to be part of "history" by marching in the inaugural parade... and I had the opportunity to march with Del State's band... I couldn't bare to be a part of the embarrassment know as the Marching Storm... sorry. So, I watched it on TV for the most part... I just can't believe how long they had that man going from place to place to place to place... all around DC. Him and his family did it though... and after like 12 hrs of non-stop coverage... at 11:30... I stopped seeing him on TV... and it was back to our regularly scheduled programming. Then... I realized successful people go to sleep early and wake up early to get things done.... so I'll be starting that like... now!!!