Ugly Beauty

You were truly beautiful...

Inside and out...

At least that was what I thought...

For when the sun kissed your collarbone

and radiated through your body

causing your skin to glow so brightly....

I saw beauty in you.

I saw beauty in your laugh

and beauty in your smile....

Beauty in your exaggerated sighs

and beauty in your frown.

Blinded by the rippling of love over thy skin....

I had no idea that said beauty

truly didn't lie within.

Many crescents appeared at night

while I stared up at the skies

before I realized that what I thought was truth

was actually all a lie.

Your "beauty" was so shallow...

It was only skin deep.

The personality paired with it was as ugly as could be.

Self centered, egotistical, vain, materialistic, clingy, annoying, obnoxious, overbearing, belligerent, immature, dramatic, arrogant, ignorant, catty and deceitful...

are a few of your greatest qualities.

I wish your outer beauty and personality

learned a bit of equality...

but I guess the fact that they are so unbalanced

contributes to your overall bi-polar nature.

Preserve your ugly beauty...

because I want no part of it.

R.I.P. Kyra

So, today I find out that one of my favorite co-workers took her own life. Its crazy to me because I just saw her four days ago, and I know its cliché but she seemed fine. I just hope that if it wasn't a suicide, that we find out the truth. She was an older woman, probably around 50 or 60 which is why I have a hard time believing that it was suicide as well. Aside from her strong-willed attitude, and overall great sense of humor. I don't know, this whole thing has come as a shock to me.... And I'm deeply saddened by this news. I send my condolences out to her husband, daughter, grandchildren and extended family. RIP Kyra....

"This tralalala is all bullshit!" -her famous saying.
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New Day

I'm so focused that its sickening. This is my time to be selfish and worry solely about myself, and that's what I've been doing. That is because in the end... All I have is myself. Short and sweet entry. More poetry coming soon... Although I haven't written in a minute... Oh yeah check out my new watch... My collection is steadily increasing...

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A lot...

A lot has happened over the past week... Most of which no one will know of except me. I like to keep some secrets although I tell most of them to my best friend... Annnnnnywho... I realize that things that are meant to be will happen regardless of timing or circumstance... So there's no point in stopping or waiting... I'm just going to continue to live my life as me... Ya 'eard meh?! Lol.... Oh yeah... Enter the shout out you requested right here. :)...
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Day 33

Waiting.... to remain inactive until a specified time or until an event occurs...

Simple enough but the complications arise when one knows not exactly what they are waiting for.
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Day 22

So, one of my friends got a character reading from a Psychic/ Palm Reader... And although I am a skeptic... I found some of the things that she said to him to be rather interesting... So today I'm going to see one, myself. Just so it'll be one of those things that I can check off of my list, and maybe I'll be able to stop wondering if I'm making the right decisions... As of lately. Certainty is what I hope to acquire b/c all of this uncertainty makes me quite uncomfortable....
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Day 21

"A wise man once told me 'Don't argue with fools 'cause people from a distance can't tell who is who...'"

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Day 20

Paintball today was awesomelicious.... I mean aside from the actually being shot part, of course.... I mean sensitive skin made it quite interesting. My hand is still swollen and from being shot in the knuckles.... And my body is extremely sore but it was well worth it.

This first pic is right after I got shot... The second is me in that sweatbox.....
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Day 19

So, today is the 8th day in a row that I've worked.... Not that I mind. I'm just relieved that I get a day off tomorrow to do some fun things like paintballing, and bbqs and such. On another note, I'm planning too many trips starting with Miami for my birthday.... And before the end of the year I have to make my way to Philly, NY, OR, CA and CT. But, traveling is awesome so..... Blah.... I'll make it work. Especially since I'll have the whip before my bday... Eeown lol. New poem coming soon.... Just need inspiration.
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Day 4

I blew a bubble with some gum today. It didn't get stuck on my tongue ring. I smiled. Removing it let's me enjoy the little things lol. The end.
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Words of wisdom (Day 2, too)

Something I came across today....

"[People] Who Want MORE, never settle for less. If you are not about the daily business of bettering yourself, then you have settled. If youre not fixing your credit, losing weight, expanding your knowledge, growing spiritually, then you have settled for less than your best self. You get MORE, by Being MORE. Take the first step today towards a better YOU!"

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Day 2

Through desecration of our temples, we are constantly reminded of that time in our life and we are forced to remember whatever it is that we were going through at that time. For example, when I got my tongue pierced... Albeit something I wanted to do for quite some time... I was going through a phase in my life that I don't want to be forced to relive. So, today... I removed that reminder and I almost immediately felt relief. In order for me to move on spiritually, I had to change that part of myself. I now have a clear mind and pure heart. It may sound weird, but its actually true....
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My happy ending (still Day 1)

Why are "happy endings" synonymous with "love" ? Why do we strive to find someone to complete who we are? Lol, its absurd quite frankly. I'm going to find my happy ending with or without someone by my side. It doesn't even have to be lonely because in this modern day and age.... I can walk right up to a sperm bank and spend the rest of my life with someone I created...... Happily ever after.
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Day 1

Today I am attempting to rid myself of unnecessary technological luxuries and things that bring stress to my life. It began with a few numbers in my phonebook and evolved to an entire new revolution. Ubertwitter.... Gone. All other messaging apps (aside from BBM)... Gone. Facebook... Deactivated. All other sites.... On the list.
I realize I have become way too involved in other people's lives. So, I am graciously bowing out. No offense to the friends that will be there when the smoke clears... But I need this time to get my shit together.... For real this time. With that having had been said, I will be posting on my blog.... So those who care... will know that I'm still alive. But, I don't plan on answering many phonecalls or text msgs.
Its time for a change... Cause this same ol' shit just isn't working for me anymore.
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Regret

I met the person,
Whom I believe to be my soulmate,
But it didn't work at first,
And they don't believe in 2nd dates.
No time to try again...
No take 2's with life...
I guess...
So I'll live trying to piece together
Whatever parts of my life are left.
Trying not to be filled any longer
With regret....
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The Way You Make Me Feel

Talking to different people...
We're moving along....
But it don't feel right...
B/c I'd rather be with you...
At the end of the night.

It may not be kosher,
And I don't expect it to be reciprocated...
But I just can't deal
With this being the way I feel.

Jealous and possessive,
Of what is no longer mine...
Trying to get my shit together,
And it has gotten better with time...
But its still hard to deal...
With this being the way I feel...

I wish it weren't real...
And I could end these statements
With a "j/k"
But I'm not....
Just kidding...
The feelings I thought were gone,
Have still not been ridden.
So its hard to deal...
With the way u make me feel...

Its not even a good feeling,
But full of insecurities,
Unworthiness,
Being used,
Abused,
Mislead,
And disrespected.
But, at least I was happy...
Smh.
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ILY no longer

Written down,
Over and over again,
Rhythmically articulated...
Melodically enunciated...
The only way
It'll penetrate...

"I love you no longer. "

Deep from my heart,
The emotion evolves,
Misinterpreted by the brain...
Due to the constant,
Soul-wrenching pain...

"I love you no longer!"

I look in your eyes,
Still seeing the person I loved,
The person I care for...
The person I CARED for.
But when push comes to shove...

".....I love you no longer"

I hate you...
And what you did to me...
Weakened me...
Took away my invincibility...

Because...

I love you so strong, ugh!
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When I'm Gone

A desire for affection,
Which isn't being satisfied,
A feeling of depression
Which can not be rectified....
By any,
But one...
And they are long gone...
So in this sadness,
I'll stay....
Until my time here is done.
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Grandeur Disillusion

In a paradisiac world,
We would be together...
Where u would be my Mr. "Nearly Perfect",
And I would be more than worthy,
To share,
To build,
Not IN this world,
But our OWN world....
Two separate islands...
Traversed by a bridge called love...
Which would take some time to build
In order to get it perfect.
But perfect love..
would EVENTUALLY be what we acquired.

However, in THIS reality,
None of that is real...
Merely grandeur illusions...
Fantasies, if u will...

So, I must stop the disillusion...
And condemn it straight to hell...
If I have any hopes of happiness...

It was a grandeur disillusion
That, I admit, often got the best of me
But I can't let my mind
End up being the vex for me...
So I have to let you free....
Forget the sweetest memories...
Forget what wasn't meant to be...
Forget what was our destiny...
Forget how I got down on my knees and prayed that the next one would be it for me...
Cause love wasn't there,
You see...
It was just a grandeur disillusion.
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