a poem for my Singer4ever...

Cuando pensé que tenía sentido ...

.... un descanso de su programación regular.

Mi show favorito de televisión no ha llegado en el día de hoy ...

A "Noticias-break" estaba en su lugar ...

Me senté atrás ... Enojado!

Listo para cortar a alguien de oreja a oreja ...

pregunto ... por ello que mi show?

Como ancla de las noticias habla mi mente vagó ...

Distracción y abrumadoras emociones inundaron mi mente ...

no porque el show de ... Realmente no se preocupa de que ...

sino porque me golpeó, de nuevo ... esta ansiedad por la separación de u. ..***

Yo ya no estoy completa ...

mi mejor media es de cientos de kilómetros de distancia, y contando ...

¿Cómo ha llegado a esto?

Sentir que no necesito nada más ...

En la medida en que lo tengo ...

Voy a ser el contenido ...

Mientras veo a usted, besarte, tocarte, disfrutar de su ambiente ..

Voy a ser contenido.

Falta que es la cosa más cercana que mis emociones han sido capaces de evocar ...

que puede compararse a la de la tortura física ...

Su sólo 5 días ...

su sólo 5 días ...

Repito que melódicamente a mí mismo ...

para suavizar su impacto ...

5 días se convertirá en 4 y 3 / 4 días ...

entonces 4 1 / 2 día ...

En última instancia ...

tiempo está en contra de mí ...

Sin embargo, su multa porque cuando todo está dicho y hecho ...

Significado de los sueños Chico estará de regreso en el castillo ...

y estaremos de vuelta a nuestra programación regular

The Truth *takes off jerk mask*

When it comes to relationships... I can easily get wrapped up in the idea that someone will always be there for me when I need them just like I can easily fall in love with the idea of directing all of my affection to just one person. 

I am a very sensitive person... but it is rare that people actually can get past my barrier and strike a nerve or hurt my feelings unless they mean a lot to me. So to find out that you truly and completely care for somebody.... when you thought it was just a crush... is amazing. HOWEVER, when you're finding out because they hurt you really badly... ("You cut me deep bitch.... cut me like surgery.") it sucks. I, personally, know that sometimes I make things difficult in relationships because my responses and answers can give people the run around.... but this time... I went outside of my comfort zone... opened my fragile arms and heart to another guy.... much faster than I usually would... because I really want to see if this can work between us...  He extends his arm... and I go to give him my stitched up heart because it has been fucked up by trifling guys from my past... even though it screams because it thinks its not ready I carefully remove it from my chest.... and as my heart leaves my hands to find out if his are a perfect fit.... he pulls his hands away... and my heart hits the floor... 

For the 2nd time in my life... I pick my heart up off the floor... patch it up and place it carefully back into my chest... Hoping that next time I go to give it to someone... they will be more careful with it.

Is It Just Me?

Or does it seem as if everyone has this "every man for himself" mentality. People don't look after each other like they used to... Times have truly changed. I don't know if it is because the economy seems to be falling apart right before our eyes and everyone is trying to make sure that when the smoke clears... they come out on top... or what... but never in my life have I been a selfish person. Even when I don't have it... I'll give my last. I don't even ask for acknowledgement... all I ask is for everyone to look out for their "friends" and family as if their lives depend on it. Because sometimes lives truly do depend on selflessness.

I just realized, today, that the majority of the people around me. The people that I surround myself with on more than a daily basis... are selfish as hell. Just because upon occasion you'll engage in an act of selflessness DOES NOT make you a selfless person. It seems as if people are only selfless for a reason... like further on down the line... they realize they might need you so they do something every now and then to stay on good terms. However, I wasn't raised like that and quite honestly these people disgust me. The fact that my selflessness towards you is so genuine and sincere and your response is so fake makes me GAG... I'm gonna be me regardless... even if I don't like you... If you need something and you ask me for it... and I have it... believe you will have it. But keep the fake shit to yourself because I don't do faux jewelry or faux people!

Lost For Words

Recently, I find myself lost for words when I think about the friendships I have made, and the people I deal with on a day-to-day basis. I realize that every person is different, and every person has their own ways of dealing with people and situations. Just like I know that different people require different approaches. However, there are people in my life that completely elude me. With them, I don't know what to think or how to react because I just don't understand them. These people are like aliens or something because everyday it is something new. The bonds I've formed with these people are crazy because when it is up.. it is really up and when we're down its to the depths of the earth. I'm tired of rollercoaster friendships. I need some stability in my life.

I thought that I had the "temporary friends" and the "life-long 'aunts and uncles of my kids' friends" sorted out. However, I was bamboozled. A while ago, I had a conversation with my friend, and we both agreed that it would behoove me to cut off loose ties instead of waiting for them to fall off by themselves. However, I tried to believe in friendship, and loyalty. I don't even know why I constantly try to think that there is good in everyone because some people are just shady ass individuals that don't deserve the type of friendship AND loyalty that I provide. So, it is no longer a feature that I am equipped with.

Shade(Friendship+loyalty+trust)= Not a Damn Thing

It has been real...

-Nigia The Great-

Knowing Myself...

I know I am not the easiest person to please and I may not be the easiest person to get along with... but I don't think I'm that complicated. I like what I like and I don't like what I don't like... I am the center of my universe and the main character in this novel called "My Life".... I will not be a co-star in the movie about my life and I won't play second fiddle. Its not because I am arrogant... its not because I am narcissistic. It is because I have high standards even for myself, and I know there is nothing I can't do. I am a living contradiction at times... but at least I know that.... I won't deny it because it further enhances my magnificent personality. Its easy to read other people... its when u can read and know yourself, your flaws your best features. and showcase them in the museum of imperfections that let you know that you have arrived.

Tired...

These times come around way too often, and it is not because I am a female. I get aggravated because for years I've kept my emotions locked up inside, and its driving me out of my effing mind. Nothing in my life is where I want it to be, and nothing is going as planned. I'm single because I'm extra picky... I'm jobless because I'm going back to school in a couple of weeks so NO ONE wants to hire me. My funds are running dry and my patience is nonexistent. I'm tired of people telling me how to live my life. I'm tired of people coming at me wrong. I'm tired of the liars trying to manipulate their way into my life. I'm tired of sex in the media. I'm tired of everyone being gay. I'm tired of these weird ass dreams about gay people, rat chicken drumsticks, rice that looks like mashed potatoes and people trying to shoot at me. I'm tired of explaining myself. I'm tired of everyone being obsessed with celebrity lives. I'm tired of Chris Brown trying to be like MJ... You're better than him stop trying to downgrade yourself. I'm tired of wondering if Beyonce will be able to come up with another "Experience"... I'm tired of waiting for Lauryn Hill to come back and restore order in Hip Hop. I'm tired of Soulja Boy's contentless songs. I'm tired of people shitting on Cory Gunz. I'm tired of Atlanta. I'm tired of being put on hold by the financial aid office at Del State. I'm tired of waiting for my refund check, and I'm tired of waiting to see if this loan for the fall is going to be approved.

::sigh::

I'm tired of Grown ass 40 year old men trying to talk to me. I'm tired of people. I'm tired of it all.

Shocked and Amazed...

WOW... So it came to my attention that I am apparently trying to get with Ty... "I'm in Atl, you're in ATL., I'm bored, you're bored..".... For real? Thats what I said?... If I'm not mistaken those EXACT words appeared on my laptop screen last night (July 18th) however they were not typed by Nigia M. Mew. I am a lot of things, and I have made a lot of mistakes, but I have grown from them. I am not one to hold my tongue while I am heated about something, so I tried to calm down a little before I wrote this.... but the frustration is still there. My closest friends and I can honestly laugh about this because there are so many things that are wrong with this picture. 1... My standards for guys are OUTRAGEOUS.... and although I don't like to admit it... I am one of the most shallow people I know lol. 2... Contrary to popular belief, I am not interested in every older guy that is interested in me.3... I'm REALLY not into drama.
Honestly, I forgive him, because he really didn't know who he was dealing with. He forgot who I am... but I am surely about to remind him... so that he never makes that mistake again.

-So many people have already been screwed over by this scandal... marriageS are facing turmoil... people have been lied to, and mislead by pure treachery and its all because people just "don' care anymore". Its obvious that you don't care. If you did, you would be trying to work through your problems and find some solutions instead of going out trying to fuck naive, desperate, and/or insecure little girls. I guess you thought I was another one.... but honestly I am none of the above. I tried to lend an ear to someone who at one point in time pretty much helped raise me and not be biased to what everyone else was saying about him and what everyone has said about him over the years... and I tried to just be a friend. However, some people don't deserve my loyalty and friendship... so I'm done with it. I know who NOT to trust now.

Luvlinunoit89 (6:52:56 PM): For real Ty?
Luvlinunoit89 (6:56:00 PM): smh...
Luvlinunoit89 (6:57:41 PM): Ty is goin around tellin ppl u said "your bored, im bored....you in atl, im in atl"
TYKENMIL30 (7:12:51 PM): WHAT THE HELL
Auto Response from Luvlinunoit89 (7:12:52 PM): Not trying to make it hot...Cause thats when people start assuming stuff...but PLEASE DON'T TRY ME....When you're involved in enough drama... why try to bring other people into it, FALSELY... Worry about your son and WIFE... not about Nigia.... ...
TYKENMIL30 (7:13:28 PM): I KNOW WHERE THAT CAME FROM
TYKENMIL30 (7:13:36 PM): UR RIGHT MY BAD...IT WON'T HAPPEN AGAIN
Luvlinunoit89 (7:21:50 PM): Right... w/e
Luvlinunoit89 (7:22:00 PM): ...its fine...
TYKENMIL30 (7:30:34 PM): DIDN'T MEAN TO BRING U IN...WON'T HAPPEN AGAIN
TYKENMIL30 (7:31:00 PM): I WAS WRONG......WELL WRONG CHOICE OF A TEST
Luvlinunoit89 (7:32:29 PM): i see

Don't believe everything you hear... cause it's bullshit.

Clarification...

I considered deleting the Blog titled "What's Going On" because after getting the facts in order, and getting a real understanding as to what truly IS going on... It isn't as it seems. Not to say that IF it were true that I condone it... but I understand that humans make mistakes and we learn from them.

However, I was reminded that when some things happen in the "band family" a lot can be taken out of context, and in turn, that is how rumors are started. People get bored with their lives and feel the need to go off and make up things about others in order to cause drama and to give them something to do. I find that most Rumors are basically embellished truths... so although it may be EMBELLISHED... think about what you're putting out there. When you give people a chance to say something negative, always assume that they will. So... Basically be discreet and be aware that anything that you tell anyone can and might be used against u later on. So don't be surprised when it does...

-Lai' D

What Is Truly More Ground Breaking?

Sex is a hot topic, and it is very common to come across blogs about sex. However, my thing is... I think sex between a man and a woman is more "ground-breaking" than same-gender-sex. Honestly, I think it is harder to have great sex with a partner of the opposite gender because its mostly trial and error. One can't be sure about what they're doing, and how it feels because things feel differently for men and woman. In my opinion, any man SHOULD be better at fellatio than a woman their first times around, because a guy SHOULD know what he would like done to him, and vice versa for cunnilingus. Lesbians, in my opinion, should be better at it than a guy their first time around.... If I am coming off as ignorant, I truly am not meaning to lol... it was just a random thought that popped into my head.

On a different note, sex is not hard... therefore there should be no excuse... Male or Female, Gay, Bi, Lesbian, or Straight, for anyone to be bad at it. Practice makes permanent... so don't think that just because you have sex with all different types of people that you're like a sex god.. cause that may not be the case... you may be stuck in your destructive ways...

So... Wrap it up... stay safe... know your status... and don't be afraid to try new things... experiments are the foundation of creation...

-Lai' D

What's Going On?

These days it seems as if the moral coding of society has completely lost all relevance. People today have really lost their minds. It is sad that when I hear about a teacher and student relationship... I am no longer surprised or astounded. Shockingly enough, I am rather apathetic about it now because it happens way too often. For example, I read an article about 4 teachers at a high school being accused of relations with 17 year olds and 2 of these teachers had relations with the same 17 year old girl. What is really going on?

This topic kinda hit home for me, too. Band has been a part of my life for a very long time now, and is pretty much like my 2nd family. I learned a lot of life lessons while I was in band, and I learned how NOT to act from individuals in the band and their whore-like-tendencies. The band director, Ty, was really like a father figure... always in everyone's business trying to make sure everyone was doing the right things. Happily married, or so I thought, with a band baby... It seemed as if everything was running rather smoothly for years. So when I find out that he allegedly cheated on my "band mom" with a staff member and possibly two students, who are like his daughters... It makes me question what the fuck is really going on. If this is true, which it may or may not be... it makes me question everything I thought I knew about morality, my "2nd family" and the last 6 or so years of my life.

Honestly, the news of this adultery has broken down the foundation of the band and is causing a lot of confusion and chaos. Allegedly, Ty has been run out of the state to work in the south with another band, and leave everything he worked so hard for many years to build behind him along with the family that for now, lacks a father. I really hope, that if all these allegations are true, that the sex was AMAZING and worth losing everything and having to start from scratch.

Now the new kids coming to the program have no future...

I wonder if they were being thought of when all this "incest" was occuring in the fuckin' "family"... eh... and now I'm over it...

-Lai' D

First Blog

First Blog... ::BLah:: UNDER CONSTRUCTION....

My name is Nigia but I am known to many as different names. I am known as Luvlii, Lady D, First Lady of HND, Bumblebee?, my middle name and a new addition is "Lai' D Royale". My hometown is Brooklyn, NY... but I was born out in FarRockaway, QNs. However, I am only in New York to visit, now... because my mother now lives in Atlanta, GA and I go to school in Delaware. ::ARGH:: Yeah, I'm all over the place.

My best friend's name is Chris aka Prince... He's a great person and I love him dearly despite our... issues lol... Every good friendship has its loops and whirls... ya know... We both are at Del State majoring in Forensic Science... and unfortunately we're both in DSU's Aproaching Swarm/storm... whatever... Marching Band...

NYCsFlyest87 says:

Nigia: the weird piccolo girls who loves rice. shes cool....probably the best thing i have right now...even tho i dont tell her. extremely smart even tho she sumtimes doesnt excersise(sp) it...really weird at times....even tho i completely understand...so i guess im weird too

I mean... I don't think I'm all that weird... but eh... he's my best friend... I guess he would know?

Oh yeah... I'm 18, and single if you're cute...

Married to the game if you're ugly.. (^_^)