Somebody that I used to know

Things have become so different from what they were.
I never thought it would ever be like this.
You used to be the one I confided in...
The one who knew my deepest and darkest secrets...
Now you are merely a ghost from a memory...
Haunting my thoughts from a time so long ago...
That I can sometimes convince myself that it all never happened.
You were nothing like the past before you...
But even more contrary to the future after you...

Wake up

We are being misled,
Lies are what we've been fed.
We are feeling so alive,
But intellectually we've been dead.
The government has bound and gagged us.
The oppression is surreal,
But it's true...
The only one who can set you free...
Is you if you choose to.
Edifying yourself is the only way.

I am a mixture of nothing but mixed feelings right now.
I am not sure whether they have all manifested over night....
or if they have been cultivating within my heart and mind...
for quite some time...
I can't see up or down....
It's like I'm constantly being spun around...
and the air beneath my feet...
retreats...
and I'm lost and confused.
I think some clarity is long over due.

I have grown tired of investing my all...
being so willing to fall...
down the rabbit hole...
and let someone tear yet another piece of my soul.
I don't have much left to give...
With so much apathy how can I live...
How can I love...
How can I love?
I feel so numb.

I do so much for others,
but who does the same for me?
I try to give all motivation...
but who'll encourage me?
I get weak...
I cry sometimes too.
I need attention,
affection,
compassion,
understanding...
Love alone will just not do.
I need the whole package to get me through.

How can I be so lonely,
surrounded by the whole entire world?
I'm numb because I'm sad....
I'm sad because I'm numb.
Where have all my feelings gone?

Lettuce Ketchup

It has been almost a YEAR since the last time I posted anything on here. I realize that this is kind of a DEAD site. Facebook, Twitter, and Tumblr have pretty much taken over my "Internet Life". But, I LOVE writing and I started this blog so although I haven't written in a while... I will not stop posting here. Anyway, It is now March 2012 and a lot of things have happened over the last year. I have a new boyfriend.... His name is Sir Alphie... we're working on our 6th month together and although there have been MANY ups and downs... I wouldn't really change a thing... well maybe one or two things, but for the most part... I can say that I'm learning a lot about myself and how to treat others in this relationship. He's a really good guy, and his intentions are good although sometimes he can come off as a real mean a-hole. Enough of the relationship talk, though. What else has happened since May.... I lost a very good friend of mine... not because they died... but because I suppose our friendship did. I guess that "Some people are only here for a reason or a season" or however that saying goes is very true. I have a new job... working on a NEWER one now, too. I'm going to start learning how to make beats... it's more difficult than I had previously thought it would be... but, I'm going to stick with it. ummm.... I've been studying pharmacology so that I can become a certified pharmacist technician just for a bit more income until I can really go back to school and get my degrees, but procrastination has been a real problem for me in this regard. Also, for the past couple of days I have been thinking heavily about giving this modeling thing another WHOLE HEARTED shot. Not half-assed this time around. What ellllllsssssseeeee? I need to take more pictures -_-. I've had the same picture on facebook and twitter for like 8 years. I think that concludes this post... Hopefully more poetry will be coming soon... I've been looking for some inspiration but it's hiding from me.