When it comes to relationships... I can easily get wrapped up in the idea that someone will always be there for me when I need them just like I can easily fall in love with the idea of directing all of my affection to just one person.
I am a very sensitive person... but it is rare that people actually can get past my barrier and strike a nerve or hurt my feelings unless they mean a lot to me. So to find out that you truly and completely care for somebody.... when you thought it was just a crush... is amazing. HOWEVER, when you're finding out because they hurt you really badly... ("You cut me deep bitch.... cut me like surgery.") it sucks. I, personally, know that sometimes I make things difficult in relationships because my responses and answers can give people the run around.... but this time... I went outside of my comfort zone... opened my fragile arms and heart to another guy.... much faster than I usually would... because I really want to see if this can work between us... He extends his arm... and I go to give him my stitched up heart because it has been fucked up by trifling guys from my past... even though it screams because it thinks its not ready I carefully remove it from my chest.... and as my heart leaves my hands to find out if his are a perfect fit.... he pulls his hands away... and my heart hits the floor...
For the 2nd time in my life... I pick my heart up off the floor... patch it up and place it carefully back into my chest... Hoping that next time I go to give it to someone... they will be more careful with it.
1 comment:
i know exactly what you mean Aigin! we have our borders up protecting ourselves from being hurt only to have it torn down by someone we think can treat us just as we would treat them...
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