The Truth *takes off jerk mask*

When it comes to relationships... I can easily get wrapped up in the idea that someone will always be there for me when I need them just like I can easily fall in love with the idea of directing all of my affection to just one person. 

I am a very sensitive person... but it is rare that people actually can get past my barrier and strike a nerve or hurt my feelings unless they mean a lot to me. So to find out that you truly and completely care for somebody.... when you thought it was just a crush... is amazing. HOWEVER, when you're finding out because they hurt you really badly... ("You cut me deep bitch.... cut me like surgery.") it sucks. I, personally, know that sometimes I make things difficult in relationships because my responses and answers can give people the run around.... but this time... I went outside of my comfort zone... opened my fragile arms and heart to another guy.... much faster than I usually would... because I really want to see if this can work between us...  He extends his arm... and I go to give him my stitched up heart because it has been fucked up by trifling guys from my past... even though it screams because it thinks its not ready I carefully remove it from my chest.... and as my heart leaves my hands to find out if his are a perfect fit.... he pulls his hands away... and my heart hits the floor... 

For the 2nd time in my life... I pick my heart up off the floor... patch it up and place it carefully back into my chest... Hoping that next time I go to give it to someone... they will be more careful with it.

Is It Just Me?

Or does it seem as if everyone has this "every man for himself" mentality. People don't look after each other like they used to... Times have truly changed. I don't know if it is because the economy seems to be falling apart right before our eyes and everyone is trying to make sure that when the smoke clears... they come out on top... or what... but never in my life have I been a selfish person. Even when I don't have it... I'll give my last. I don't even ask for acknowledgement... all I ask is for everyone to look out for their "friends" and family as if their lives depend on it. Because sometimes lives truly do depend on selflessness.

I just realized, today, that the majority of the people around me. The people that I surround myself with on more than a daily basis... are selfish as hell. Just because upon occasion you'll engage in an act of selflessness DOES NOT make you a selfless person. It seems as if people are only selfless for a reason... like further on down the line... they realize they might need you so they do something every now and then to stay on good terms. However, I wasn't raised like that and quite honestly these people disgust me. The fact that my selflessness towards you is so genuine and sincere and your response is so fake makes me GAG... I'm gonna be me regardless... even if I don't like you... If you need something and you ask me for it... and I have it... believe you will have it. But keep the fake shit to yourself because I don't do faux jewelry or faux people!